How did we get here? (the abridged version)

I'm surprised to even be here, to tell you the truth. International adoption, that is.

Though adoption was on our hearts before we were even married, Paul and I still took the [very] long way to get to this place. Jobs, moves, and just wondering what we were doing for awhile (okay, maybe still wondering)...we decided we would hold off on "starting our family" until we bought a home. I can't tell you why we made that our starting point, but we did. We moved from Indiana to Ohio after getting married and Paul finishing his masters. We lived with my parents while we saved up to buy our first home. Kier came along right after our 7th wedding anniversary...and before she turned one, we were shocked to find ourselves expecting again! And this time, not just one baby - TWO! So maybe we got off to a slow start with parenthood..., but then, apparently, we hit the gas!

Three kids under age 2 gave us both a crash course in juggling NEEDINESS. Diapers, bottles, and sleep schedules that changed all the time. Crawling, teething, walking, potty training - it all happened so fast, but boy, those days were LONG. Our adoption discussions were way, WAY in the back of our minds. And that was okay. Besides our three little ones, we (especially Paul), still had work and ministry life with Teens For Christ to balance. As the kids grew older and more independent, we both wondered if we "were done". And people around us didn't mind asking either. Haha We had just moved back to Indiana after 9 years in Ohio. The boys were 3 years old and Kierney was starting kindergarten. It was at this point we began learning about foster care; specifically the foster-to-adopt program. We had some friends who were in the process of adding to their family this way, and managed to meet several other families who were fostering and/or adopting as well. We were intrigued by what we were learning: the number of children in foster care, their length of stay, and the number that were need of forever homes. We decided to get educated and eventually, get licensed. Our goal in licensure was adoption. Once matched with a child, our family would have the opportunity to "foster" him or her during the legal process of adoption (we would be able to take custody months sooner). Because of this, we would only have our home study sent to case mangers of children whose parents' rights had been terminated. To be clear, we were not seeking to temporarily foster, at this point. It took us 10 months to get the license. It felt like FOREVER! We were so excited to begin the search for our match. We began receiving emails from DCS with profile summaries of children that fit our location and age range. We sent our home study out to a handful of case managers over the course of 4 months, but only got 1 callback for an interview, this for a sibling pair. It was an emotionally fraught time, as we prayed for the best outcome for the siblings and for our family. Personally, I felt like we nailed the interview, but our family was not chosen. I was truly heartbroken. Ironically (or completely NOT so ironically), Paul lost his job less than a week after we found out we were not chosen for the sibling pair. He was a camp manager and we lived on-site; this meant that not only had he lost his job, but we lost our living situation. We had about 6 weeks to get out of house. With no job prospects within that time frame, we packed up our things and moved them to a storage unit. Then we took ourselves back to Ohio to crash my parents' house, once again! Thank GOD for them! Indiana DCS informed us that if we were going to be out of the state longer than 2 months, we would have to relinquish our license. That was a sad day for me. I felt very bitter that not only had Paul's job AND our home been taken from us without warning, but now our adoption plans were taken as well. Over a year's worth of work and preparation was out the window. To be frank, I still feel crushed when I think about this time in our lives.

A few months later, we were thrilled to be moving to Michigan, as Paul accepted a position as Family Life Pastor at an awesome church. I can't believe we're coming up on 2 years here! It's been a true joy to watch our kids make their school, our church, and our neighborhood their home. Paul and I feel at home here too! Within a few months of moving in, I started perusing the web to learn about how foster care and adoption work for Michigan (each state is different). We decided to take the first step and attend an orientation in Grand Rapids. I left the orientation feeling very discouraged about our adoption prospects, at least within the next few years. It is very important to understand that foster care, for the most part, is designed to be a temporary scenario that allows families to reunite, once unhealthy situations are resolved. Reunification of children and biological parents is the ultimate goal. Unfortunately for some families, reunification is not always the healthiest choice, which is when the process of TPR (termination of parental rights) begins. This can be an extremely long process, and just to get to this point usually takes years. By the time many foster children are eligible for adoption, they are school aged; many are teenagers. In our family, we would seek a match that is younger than our youngest (6 or below). This narrows down our pool. We also learned that interstate adoption (outside of MI) is not a total no-go, but pretty close. So, under the age of 6, TPR'd, and within our state; we learned our odds of adopting any time soon would be small. I brought home the orientation folder and went to work looking at the educational training schedule we would be required to begin. This was also discouraging, so I kinda shelved the whole thing for a bit (the literal folder as well as the idea).

Despite Paul's background, international adoption never felt like an option for us. Too much paperwork, too complicated, and WAY too expensive. So what made me decide to start researching it? I'm not sure, but the important part is that I did start researching and the more I learned, the more it felt like we ought to consider it. I ended up emailing the agency that Paul was adopted through in 1983, even though they are based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. To get to the point, I found out they only work with families in their area (Oklahoma and Texas)....BUUUUT, they make an exception for adoptees. Hello! Paul and I started praying about it...and talking about it. We flipped and flopped all over both sides of the fence, not totally comfortable with diving in, but not willing to rule it out. We went through with a couple phone interviews and decided to apply to the program. By that point, I think we had both committed to it in our hearts, though it still felt scary. Our application was accepted in Tulsa and then the South Korea program gave us the green light as well! We located a local agency in Grand Rapids to conduct our home study, which is fully underway (as evidenced by the STACKS of paper taking over my desk!). We're really doing this! Our adoption agency is well-established in Korea and has given us great information and coaching through our application and home study processes. Though we cannot select the age or gender of our child, we are told we are most likely to receive a little boy between 12 and 24 months of age. Boy, girl, baby, or toddler, we are getting more excited to welcome a new Paschal with each passing day! It's been especially exciting to have Kierney, Thatcher, and Oren walk through some of this process with us. We are in this together! So there is the briefest version I could muster to give you an idea of how we went from 3 bios, to foster-to-adopt, to international adoption. Our heart has always been to share whatever we have in the name of Jesus: we may not have wealth or prestige, but we do have a loving family. I think that is worth offering, even if it is to just one child. Thanks for reading! I hope to share more with you soon! - B Join us by donating here! Thank you! https://www.gofundme.com/f/korean-orphan-adopting-korean-orphan